one thing you need to know about me: i worry. alot. this may surprise you, but its true. i wish it wasn't, but there is no hiding it:
i'm a worrier.
I worry about my friends, i worry about my future, i worry about my grades (although apparently not enough to motivate me to make better grades) i worry about my family, i worry about my friends, and did I mention that I worry about my friends? Because they are what i worry about the most. and more so within the last year than normal.
now, something else you need to know about me: if I do something, I do it big. and this is a problem. it's not like a "give 100%" type of thing. it's like a geez I wish I could do something and not have it take over my life type of thing. so naturally, worry becomes one of these things that takes over my life. it's a never ending cycle: worry then prayer then worry that i didn't pray enough about what i was originally worried about, then more prayer for forgiveness about worrying to begin with, etc. etc.
so, a brief overview of what i've rambled about so far:
1. i worry 2. i do things to the extreme. 3. i worry, to the extreme
so tonight, shockingly, i was worried about some of my friends. we'll just leave it at that. but we had gone to cheesecake factory after singarama, and I hadn't really had time to change clothes so I was wearing some basketball shorts over compression shorts (strange little detail, I know, but it's important) and I didn't have a purse so I just stuck my money into bottom of the compression shorts. now i know this seems weird and stupid, but at the time I thought it was a great idea, it was like a huge pocket or something. so we eat and we leave and we get back to school and I want to go to the RedBox at McDonalds so I go to my car and go to McDonalds and come back and lots of exciting and funny things happened but anyway I get back to my room and about to change when I realize..my money is gone. and this is a MAJOR problem b/c I for some reason had been carrying my entire pay check with me which, after dinner was around 80 dollars. so i freak out. b/c i CAN NOT afford to loose 80 dollars. so i retrace my steps. nothing. I call cheesecake factory. nothing. I get in my car and go to cheesecake factory and check the parking lot. nothing. i come back to school, extremely angry at myself for being such a moron, when I realize that I forgot earlier to go back to my parking spot from before. so i go there and what do i see, but a stack of money laying on the ground.
and there it is. my $72.00.
just sitting there, on the pavement. i kid you not at this moment i fell to my knees and picked up the money and looked up to the sky and said a small prayer to God, thanking Him. because what had really just happened was so much more than me finding 72 dollars. it was God, saying to me, "Maryanne. I'm up here. And I'm at work, in every detail of your life. Yes, I helped you find this money, but more importantly, I want you to know that I'm in control of everything. And everyone. And every little thing that you worry yourself sick about. I've got this. Just trust Me. I won't let you down. I promise."
and so, through my complete stupidity and irresponsibility, God reminded me of His presence in my life and of His control. Over everything.
So there's no need to worry.
I found my $72.00, and so much more..