I have kept this blog for about 5 years now, off and on. I keep up with it about as consistently as i keep up with anything, which sadly is not very much at all. Sometimes I write a lot, sometimes nothing for several months. Thats kind of the way i am. I'm not the most consistent person, you know. But it is neat that i've written enough that i am able to look back over a span of 5 years and see where i've been. I think i can say that I am not who I thought i would be 5 years ago, in both good and bad ways. I kind of used to think that somewhere along the line in college, i'd turn into one of those people that "has it together". You know, "that" girl who does everything right and is like drop dead gorgeous and on fire for God and makes straight-a's and has a super hott fiance who is going to be a doctor? I don't know how or when i thought that this miraculous change would take place, but i just thought it would. But to be honest, it hasn't really. I'm still very much the same person that I was. That's not saying that I haven't grown, because I have so much, but i'm just not "that" girl, and a lot of the things i thought would happen haven't. Like for example, I thought i'd be graduating 6 months from now, and i'm not. I thought i'd probably become a missionary in some cool country after i graduated, but i'm not. I kind of thought i'd get smarter too, but i haven't really, I've just learned to work harder. I still suck at math and i still hate brushing my teeth. And i really thought i'd stop drinking mountain dew every single day, but we all know that hasn't changed. But i also didn't think i'd be living with 7 incredible women of God for 2 years in a row in this wonderful apartment. I didn't think i would have gotten to spend summers serving alongside incredible people in Australia or New York. I didn't think i'd be a part of a church I love more than anything. I didn't think i'd be president of a club of 70 amazing girls on this campus. I didn't think i'd learn to enjoy eating salad or how to use a skillet, but i have. I even occasionally drink water now too. And i really had no idea that God would bring such incredible people into my life like the ones that i'm surrounded with every single day.
I guess what i'm saying is, i can look back over the past five years, and despite how i have changed, or how i haven't changed, I can see God, every step of the way. He has been there in the best of times and in the worst. And it doesn't matter that i'm inconsistent and kind of a mess sometimes. I don't write on a blog or journal every day, and I don't get up at 5am and exercise and eat oatmeal and read my bible. I'm not "that" girl. I'm not engaged to a hott pre-med student, and I can't cook hardly anything. I'm an inconsistent person. But thats ok. The thing about God is, He is the same for me and for the crazy person who will be running and praying in 5 hours. He listens to my 2 second prayers on my way to class just the same as He listens to "that" girls prayers at 6am every morning. He is changing me and teaching me to grow despite my flaws and the mistakes i've made, and what's even more than that, He's using them for good in my life and in others.